Thursday, September 22, 2011

Big Breakfast Challenge Day 2

Yesterday for breakfast I made a burrito.

"Fried egg" + TJ's whole wheat tortilla (Phenomenal, by the way) + salsa + turkey bacon. Served with carrot sticks and cauliflower on the side. 285 calories.

Some extremely strong coffee from starbucks that I had to water down with a boatload of half and half. 70 calories.

An unpictured, but beautiful, pink strawberry smoothie made with frozen strawbs and greek yogurt. 125 calories.

I fell asleep at lunch time, woke up at 2 pm, starved.

Miso soup + shuga snappies + sprouts. Cob o' corn on the side. And a 1/2ish serving of frozen yogurt. 320 calories.

Din din!

Salad. Red leaf lettuce + cauliflower + feta spinach chicken sausage + ranch dressing. The sausage was ridiculously salty and just... disgusting. I ended up putting most of it on my husband's plate.

Just thinking about it makes me feel kind of queasy. 150 calories.

And then there was pizza.

Homemade dough + mozz + cottage cheese + sauce + mushies + zukes. 200 calories.

Later there was more frozen yogurt. 100 calories.

And some parmesan kale chips.

LOTS of parmesan kale chips. 50 calories.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaandddd. Also uhmmm... possibly... french fries from In n Out. 400 calories. Eeps.

That's just under 1700 for the day folks.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Breakfast Challenge Day 1

What I Ate Wednesday ya'll! Head over and check out the party. Woot woot!


Okay so yesterday was day 1 of my big ol' breakfast experiment.

I kicked off the day with some oat bran. I actually ate peaches and cream oat bran but it was 5:30 am, the picture didn't turn out right, yada yada yada... so I'm showing you this hazelnut cocoa oatbran instead.

This nutty, chocolatey version actually took my oatbran virginity.

I have not gone back to oatmeal since. o.O Please don't hate me oatmeal. I think we just need to see other people/oat varieties for awhile.


Then, because this is the GIANT breakfast challenge, I also had one of these guys.

Kale banana nut smoothie. Lemme just say? Yum. I got the idea from here, but I changed a few things. I didn't use flax seed cuz... I forgot. Also, the first time I made the smoothie I used whole cashews and ground them up... but the smoothie was mealy. No bueno.

So this time I used nut butter. A peanut, almond, cashew blend from Target. I HIGHLY recommend cashew with this... And next time I will splurge and buy full cashew butter just for this shake.

I also added in a bit of greek yogurt for protein and a splash or two of almond milk, but that's about it.

This is, far and away, the best smoothie I have ever tasted. Ever. Seriously.

I usually don't list calorie counts when I link up to WIAW but since I'm doing a special challenge, I'll tell you my breakfast totals. 460 without my coffee, 510 with the coffee.

WhaaaAaattt?! Yeah. That is almost 3x what I normally eat in the morning and I definitely felt "Kingly" stuffing my face in the name of science.

Now for my princely lunch.

After work I headed out to Trader Joe's to grab a few essentials. Once I got home (at 12:30 pm) I was fairly hungry.

Not starved, but pretty hungry.

So I quickly threw these guys into a pan with some soy sauce, rooster sauce and hoisin.

Bean sprouts! Yum! There was about double this but... yeah... as I said. I was hungry.

While I ate those I made this salad.

Red leaf lettuce, baby carrots, cucumber, roasted cauliflower, low-fat ranch dressing and onion straws.

Dessert? Yes please!

The only new-to-me thing I got from Trader Joe's.

This is definitely going to be a staple in my freezer from now on. Only 100 calories per half cup serving and it's YUMMY. It's not the same taste as "original tart" froyo or the froyo I make myself... but I really like it. The quart is only $1 more than it costs to make froyo at home and it has less calories.

So... no brainer. Why do the work when you have the fabulous Trader Joe people to do it for you? ;)

After I ate that I was still craving yogurt. Which is odd cuz... I don't really like yogurt... as I've adamantly stated. But whatever. I just went with it.

Greek yogurt + blackberry preserves. I sorta made myself eat this. It sounded better in theory than it actually tasted. I think I like yogurt... but I like it really, really cold. Like... freezing cold.

So what was my tiny pauper dinner?

Salmon with salsa on a bed of black beans. It was yummy.

My favorite thing I ate all day though?

Definitely this.

A giant movie-watching snack plate! A few roasted sweet potato rounds, roasted radishes seasoned with Trader Joe's 21 seasoning salute, some cheddar cheese, broken up crackers, cucumber slices with pepper, smoked sea salt and feta cheese, sliced strawberry, kale chips and roasted snap peas.

I dipped the kale chips in some ketchup. Omgosh. Best thing ever. Thank you Microcosm of Life!

And I dipped the snappies into rooster sauce/peanut dressing combo.

I will probably start making these every night before bed. I just loved the huge variety of yummy vegetables and can't wait to start thinking up other good combinations. :)

Yesterday was a GREAT day!

I thought I was going to be STARVING because I ate so many calories early in the day but it was exactly the opposite! I really did feel fuller and satisfied all day, even with less food.

I still ate the same amount of calories I usually do but somehow eating them in reverse order made me feel more... satisfied.

So I think I *maybe* might be a big breakfast convert! Woohoo! I've joined the darkside! And there's oatbran and kale banana nut smoothies for everyone!

Monday, September 19, 2011

A couple few things and a challenge

First, xanthan and guar gum.

What are they? They are gums. They are used as thickening agents. Mostly in gluten free baking. However more and more, many people are using them in smoothies to achieve a more milkshake like consistency.

Are they safe? Yes. They come from natural sources. However, guar can cause stomach aches for some people if it's used in high quantities.

Why would I want it? Well, as mentioned, if you are a gluten-free baker. I am not. I am, however, drinking more and more smoothies these days. There is definitely a noticeable difference in texture between a gummed and ungummed smoothie. I have also noticed that the thickened smoothie keeps me fuller for longer.

Do I need both? No, I don't think so. I have read that when used together they create a more desirable texture but I still think one on it's own would be fine. Guar is cheaper but I would recommend Xanthan because of the aforementioned possible stomach issues Guar can cause.

How much does it cost and where can I find it? The first place I found Xanthan was at Whole Foods. The brand was Bob's Red Mill and since it was organic it was expensive... $12. The Guar gum was $8. I decided NOT to purchase from there. (What can I say? I'm cheap.)

I instead got my gums from I used a $5 off promo code. The two gums AND shipping came out to about $9.

If you don't care if it's organic and you don't want to order online I'll say that I also saw Xanthan gum in a bulk bin at my local Winco.

I know for a fact that you could find them at any vitamin store.

I think $7-8 is a reasonable price for Xanthan gum. $5-6 for the Guar.

Anything else? Yup. They are both high in fiber! Yay fiber!! Also a container of this stuff will last you forever. And... while it isn't life-changing, it is a definite difference in terms of texture.

Okay. Gummy smoothies aside.


There are about as many diet strategies and tips out there as there are dieters it seems like. What works? What doesn't? It's hard to say. And I realize, that I have very limited experience. I simply do what has been working for me so far.

But I often wonder... is there a better way? Is there a more effective way? Can I be happier?

And so I've decided that each week I'm going to challenge myself to implement a new "strategy". Some strategies will be big. Raw foods. Vegetarian or vegan eating. Low-carb. Some will be small. No artificial sweeteners. No refined grains.

This week I'm challenging myself to eat breakfast. A BIG breakfast. Every day for a week.

Breakfast is something I've always struggled with. It's simply not my favorite meal. A lot of times I completely skip it.

But now I'm going to put the theory to the test.

I'll summarize the challenge like this.

Breakfast like a king. Lunch like a prince. Dinner like a pauper.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Berry Spinach Smoothie (100 calorie snack idea)

Since my day didn't start so well I'm ending it with lots of fruits and veggies.

This evening I made a smoothie that goes like this.

3/8 c frozen blackberries
3/8 c frozen strawberries
1/2 c fresh spinach
2 tbsp cottage cheese
1/8 tsp xanthan gum
1/8 tsp guar gum
1/2 c water
1 sweetener
1 tsp vanilla extract

I decided to break down the nutrients and was pleasantly surprised.

100 calories.

4.5 g protein, 4.5 g fiber, 30% vitamin A, 55% vitamin C, 7% calcium, 10% iron, 7% potassium and 1-2% of B-6, phosphorus, magnesium and copper.

1 1/2 servings fruit + 1/2 serving vegetables + 1/4 serving dairy

Pretty dang nutritious for only 100 calories!

I'm trying to come up with as many nutritious, easy, tasty, filling recipes as I can to help me stay on track.

This is definitely going on the list.

Dear you,

Right now? You are sucking. You are majorly backsliding. You are going down a road that you do not really want to go down. I know you feel like you've gone too far already, and okay, you probably have.

Going back to square one isn't fun, but it's going to be less work if you start right now than if you wait even 10 minutes more.

Eat a vegetable for crying out loud. Some fruit maybe. Make a meal, dang it.

Apathy and laziness are not doing your thighs any favors.

Let's get motivated! Let's brainstorm! Let's make healthy eating fun again!

We need this to be a lifestyle remember?

The hard times- that's what tests how successful you have been in actually changing your point of view.

Clearly we aren't there yet. And that's good to know.

So let's fix this. C'mon.

We gotta do this. There's just no sense in waiting.

You're not getting any younger!

And as of right now you're not getting any slimmer.

This is a problem.

This is a problem you're going to do something about.



Glad we had this little chat.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Sharing is Caring

Whole Foods deal!

Pay $10 and get $20 worth of groceries.

Awesome, right?

Who couldn't use free groceries?

Monday, September 12, 2011

I am the oatmeal NINJA

Woke up this morning at about 5:40 am. Got dressed and ready for my day.

At about 7:20 am I was STARVING. I raided my mom's fridge and found this.

I don't really like non-frozen yogurt but at the same time I'm not completely repulsed by it.

I also do like the nutritional facts. Check 'em out.

140 calories and FOURTEEN grams of protein. Plus 20% of my calcium!

Unfortunately? I'm still not in love with the taste.

And it didn't fill me up as much as, say, an egg would have. And I think one egg would have less protein than this yogurt so... that's weird.

There was also an americano. 40 calories.

I came home at 8 am to this.

The wreckage from having family over for dinner the night before. It took me a full hour to clean that all up.

Right as I finished the vet called with a WiFi update and I went to go visit him. Such a handsome little man.

Since I was out and about anyways I went to the hospital to pick up a prescription, dropped the rent check in the mail and went to fill out an affidavit at my credit union.

When I got home it was 11 am and I was STARVING.

So I made this.

Spinach + romaine + (possibly illegal amounts of) fresh ground black pepper + light ranch dressing + barley + eggplant + zucchini + onion. I gobbled half and then started feeling full. I packaged the rest up to finish at work. 185 calories.

I realized I still had 2 hours before I needed to be at work.

Hmmmm... what to do... what to do?


Hello, pumpkin muffins.

I was inspired by this post. Except I didn't want them to be so... calorie dense. So I searched for a good "base" recipe and went from there. (It is a fact that I have never once in my entire life followed a recipe EXACTLY as it was written. I think that perhaps I am incapable of doing so.)

They are moist, delicious, fairly packed with nutrition, and only 150 calories each.

Here's how you can make them.

There's-No-Oatmeal-In-Here Pumpkin Oatmeal Muffins
Yields 12. 150 calories each.


1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons cinnamon
scant 1/2 teaspoon ginger
scant 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
heaping 1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1 egg
1 cup canned pumpkin
1/4 cup + 2 tbsp skim milk
1/4 cup canola oil
1 cup old fashioned oats


1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. (Or if you're like me preheat it to 350 degrees and then adjust the temperature to 380 degrees half way through baking the muffins when you realize you set the oven to the wrong temperature. Actually, no. Don't follow me. Just stick with the plan.)

2. Bust out your blender/food processor/coffee grinder and pour in the cup of oats. Blend into a fine dust. This is not necessary if you aren't trying to trick your husband into eating oatmeal.

3. If you're using oatmeal dust combine it with the flours, baking powder, spices, baking sodas, salt and sugar. Mix it up with a fork.

4. Add in the egg, pumpkin and milk. Beat it up until it's well-combined.

5. Mix in the oil. I do it separately from the previous step because I feel like it's easier and gets combined more thoroughly. If you are daring or have super stirring strength, feel free to mix in all the liquids at once.

6. If you kept your oats whole add them in at this time. Feel free to add in some dried fruit, nuts or whatever else your little heart desires as well. If you're like me and you need to change every recipe you use (including your own) maybe add some more shakes of cinnamon and some vanilla for good measure.

7. Spoon into your muffin pan. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick or whatever your muffin-poking object of choice is comes out clean.

And that is how it's done.

I devoured one of course.

Later at work I ate some grapes. 80 calories.

When I got off work I knew my husband would want to go see WiFi so I cleverly packaged an after-work snack.

I restrained myself and only ate one. 150 calories.

After the WiFi visit (he cried this time when we left! *tear*) I made dinner.


I must make this again.

Rice noodles, bok choy, garlic, mushrooms, cashews and stir fry sauce I made up. (Hoisin + sesame ginger dressing + brown sugar + sriracha + fish sauce + soy sauce.) 425 calories.

And now, as I sit down to quietly read a book before bed, I am eating two of these guys.

Graham cookies! Chocolate graham cracker half + almond cashew peanut butter + mashmallow. Nuked till it's melty.


Puts me at 1350 for the day.

Today gets a 7/10. Too many sweeties.

50 percent. (Heads or puppy dog tails?)

So if you remember a few days ago I stated that I would be elated if I could elicit a single nibble from my WiFi?

The good news is, I got my wish.

WiFi seems to be fully recovering from the pneumonia.

Are not these the cutest/most heartbreaking pictures you've ever seen?

Oh my goodness I just want to squeeze him and never let go.

So WiFi is no longer lethargic, depressed, coughing 100 times a day or refusing to eat. He has regained his appetite and his puppy attitude. Yesterday the vet was closed so I couldn't visit him but I about did a dance of glee when they called and told me he was feeling so much better he was actually yapping to be let out, pawing at the cage door and had chomped through his IV line... twice!

Atta boy!

That is about as far as the silver lining goes however.

The test results for distemper came back and he does, indeed, have the virus.

When I first talked to the vet I was led to believe that all sufferers eventually develop neurological side effects.

This includes possibly going blind or deaf, seizures, swelling of the brain, episodes of confusion, deterioration of motor capabilities and usually... death.

From what I understand the death is usually a result of the seizures. And 80%, do, indeed die.

The day he was officially diagnosed I spent a good hour reading everything I could about the virus. One website mentioned, where none had previously, that only 50% of dogs who survive the mucous/pneumonia/coughing/sneezing/not eating phase of the disease end up developing neurological problems.

Finally... a glimmer of hope.

The next morning the vet called me and told me that she had consulted a specialist. Before I could ask her if the 50% thing was true she told me exactly what I had read.

50% of dogs end up with neurological issues. 50% don't.

So far WiFi isn't showing any signs of the virus having spread to his brain. So I am hopeful.

He survived the pneumonia and now he just needs to be the 50% whose immune systems kick the damn virus to the curb.

Please, oh please, be the exception my little man.

Semi-unfortunately, sometimes the neurological stage (phase 3) develops a week after the mucous phase, and sometimes it doesn't develop until a few months later. We just have no idea as far as a time line.

So until I either see phase 3 symptoms in WiFi or until I see nothing for 5-6 months I'm going to keep him home, on antibiotics, and well-loved and cuddled.

(There is no cure for distemper or medicine to treat it. All medications prescribed are to ease the suffering of the symptoms that come along with the virus and to prevent secondary bacterial infections.)

I thought that since he was doing so well in terms of getting over the secondary bacterial infections (pneumonia) he might be able to come home today.

However I got a call this morning saying that they're just starting him on the oral antibiotics and want to keep him another day. They'll do X-Rays tomorrow to make sure his chest is sufficiently cleared up and then, if everything looks peachy, release him to me either that day or the next day.

Works for me.

However, this was WiFi this morning after I told him that he wasn't going to be leaving with me today.

And since this IS a weight loss blog I figure I should mention a thing or two about how I've been doing with that lately. Basically? Not that amazingly.

Here's a few pictures I snapped of various eats I've enjoyed while away.

Rye bread + laughing cow cheese + roasted zucchini.

Peach almond smoothie.

And a visit to Dusty Buns... the most amazing food truck EVER. They use fresh, local ingredients to create seasonal menus that highlight the best of what we've got growing on (bwahahaha) in our area.

Adobo marinated taco with summer slaw.

Fingerling potatoes with orange-habanero aioli. (So. Dang. Amazing.)

The best chicken chipotle sandwich ever.

Pale ale black bean soup with garlic crema.

And because Dusty Buns (fittingly) chooses to station themselves at Farmer's Markets I also snagged these goodies. An heirloom tomato, chinese eggplant and bok choy. The eggplant was roasted as part of dinner last night. The heirloom tomato was chopped and turned into tomato-basil-cream sauce. Also for dinner last night. The bok choy will be on the menu tonight because it's getting a little wilty.

I discovered spaghetti squash recently. ZOMG. This is spaghetti squash, roasted zucchini, tomato sauce and parmesan.

A recent dinner. Asparagus, mushrooms, a piece of garlic toast, barley "risotto" and two meatballs topped with basil cream sauce.

So it may not seem like I've been doing that badly with my eating but that's because you didn't see the OTHER 50% of the time where I was jamming ice cream, pizza and fast food into my face.

The days always started out well... but then in the evenings I would start thinking about WiFi. And the depressed version of myself doesn't give a crap about being a size 3. She only wants to comfort herself with greasy foods.

The day WiFi got admitted to the hospital I ate FIVE pieces of Costco pizza. I mean that is just ridiculous.

That was definitely the worst day, but still all of them have been kind of bad.

I'd estimate 2,000 calories a day. Which means I've probably gained a half a pound.

Ah well.

Today I'm doing better. But more on that later.

Friday, September 9, 2011


Last night I talked to the vet and she told me that WiFi's red and white blood cell counts were very low. Low white blood cell count was to be expected, but she was more surprised with the low red cell count. They started giving him glucose with his fluids and were hoping for an improvement this morning.

So this morning I called and they told me that as far as his energy level and visible symptoms he was not looking any better. He was, however, eating some food on his own.

In my mind, that's a good sign. If he's eating food then that tells me that he's feeling slightly better and that he wants to fight this sickness. He hasn't given up on himself.

She also told me I could go visit him anytime. I was extremely excited and of course we went and visited him immediately.

They were right, he is still lethargic and not himself. I can tell that he doesn't feel good.

However he stood up to greet us and gave us lots of licks. I didn't see a tail wag, but I saw some heart. He looks better than he did yesterday and the day before. On those days he didn't want to be near us, he kept walking away from us.

But today he wanted to be close to us and interact with us.

We checked him for visible signs of distemper and so far none besides the ones that were already present and could easily be signs of kennel cough/dog flu.

No tough padding on his feet, no lesions on his stomach, no vomiting, no diarrhea, no red in his eyes and his gums look good.

Of course this doesn't mean for sure that he doesn't have distemper. Not all dogs have all the symptoms. However, at least I can still hope. As long as the calluses, seizures and tough padding don't show up... I can at least hope that something else caused his pneumonia and that he can get over it.

It was so good to see my little man. I'm going to go visit him again after work if I'm allowed and hopefully we will see a little improvement or at least no deterioration.

Maybe tomorrow he will wag his tail or nibble a little on my finger. I would be oh so happy if that happened.

Also, he's growing. He's bigger than he was. I know this is normal for a puppy but I just didn't expect for him to all of a sudden be bigger.

I don't think I would ever adopt another animal from the SPCA. I know it's not REALLY their fault and that they did give him distemper and kennel cough shots when they got him. However the vet told me that 75% of their kennel cough cases come from the SPCA and people who have just adopted. Hmmmm.

Also I'm pretty sure that they got him only a few days before I adopted him. Signs of sickness aren't going to show up that quickly if he already had it. Why wouldn't they at least warn me that he could have already been sick, despite being immunized?

I would never buy an animal from a breeder or from a stupid pet store but if there ever is a next time then I would definitely adopt from a different, cleaner animal rescue center. My mom adopted her two dogs from a center that was kept up nicer and they were healthy and happy as could be.

I also am irritated that the first vet I saw (at the SPCA) who diagnosed him with kennel cough did not warn me at all about the possibility of it actually being something else and what to watch for. It would have taken him 2 minutes to explain to me the danger of my puppy getting pneumonia or that if his symptoms besides coughing persisted he might have the flu or something else.

If he had taken the time to do that I would have been more informed and would have taken WiFi back to the vet a few days earlier than I did.

I just had absolutely no idea that it could ever be anything more serious than kennel cough or that his "kennel cough" could get into his lungs.

One thing is for certain, if WiFi makes it through this I will be a much better informed puppy parent. I've learned to do my own research and educated myself on what is most important to watch for.

Still, I feel like the doctor had a responsibility to share that information with me and he didn't.

I cannot help but feel slighted and upset with the SPCA.

The vet we're going to now is much better at actually explaining to me what is going on, what we're looking for in terms of improvement or deterioration, and what things like a low red blood cell count can mean. I am happy that we took him to a more expensive facility because I think they are providing him with much better care.

The good news?

WiFi still loves scratches behind his ears. :)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

A Day Of Ruin

WiFi's kennel cough appeared not to be getting better.

In fact, it appeared to be getting worse.

Yesterday he would not eat or drink hardly anything. His breathing became labored.

We took him to the vet early this morning.

She told me he most likely has pneumonia.

Pneumonia can be caused by distemper, by kennel cough, by dog flu or by various other bacterial infections.

We left him there at the hospital to be tested and treated for pneumonia and to be administered food and liquids.

It is costing us 80 bajillion dollars.

But pneumonia he can come out of. If it is a complication of the flu or kennel cough there is real hope...

But if he has distemper there is no hope.

They are doing a $200 distemper test.

If he has distemper we will likely have to put him down. It is a painful, incurable virus that causes seizures and brain degeneration. Some dogs survive it, but they are never the same.

The outlook for distemper is very bleak. In fact, for me, it means prematurely ending my little loved one's life.

If he doesn't have distemper that will be some damn good news, but we still need him to get through the pneumonia. We pray we caught it early enough. That he is still strong enough to fight it.

So... hope with me.

I just need some hope.

I want to see this little face again.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Mmmm roasty hooker sauce.

The ultra-exciting recap of yesterday's eats!

Also known as... What I Ate Wednesday!

I don't remember but I'm pretty sure the day started with coffee.

And then there was sticky rice + coconut milk for breakfast.

A really huge portion. Definitely bigger than this. Probably bigger than my head. And eaten at my desk.

When I got off work at 12 I went home and roasted a can of tomatoes.

Here's proof. In case you thought I would lie about something as serious as tomatoes.

Yup. A can. Well I mean I didn't roast them IN the can... But I wanted to know if it would make a difference in taste.

However I can't say I distinctly remember the taste of canned tomatoes and therefore had no idea if there was a difference or not.

Also I did not eat the tomatoes like that. That would be weird.

I made a salad for lunch. Took 2 bites. Threw it away. Wasn't feeling it. Ate 3 bites of broccoli.

Roasted a banana and peaches to make this smoothie.

Roasted banana + roasted peaches + coconut milk. Except we had no ice so the smoothie was warm. o.o Stuck it in the freezer.

Ate some of these.

Emerald cocoa dusted almonds. Yum.

Forgot about smoothie and lunch and took a nap.

Woke up at 4 pm. Remembered smoothie. Frozen solid. Ate half of it with a spoon.

Made dinner.

Caesar salad with homemade dressing and croutons. I will not eat store-bought croutons at all. But homemade ones? It's like... crunchy garlic bread... Of course I am down with that.

Caesar salad dressing though? Not so down with it. I knew that. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Pretending to like things I do not actually like.

I am in major food pickiness denial.

Alongside Caesar salad... Pasta Puttanesca.

Did you know Puttanesca means "lady of the night" or something like that? Yeah... so basically... whore pasta. (Okay now I really want to make a reference to the fact that there are anchovies in the sauce... But I won't. Just imagine I did.)

It was some delicious whore pasta though. I used the roasted tomatoes in the sauce. Also there was supposed to be meatballs but they all fell apart. So instead we had bolognese-puttanesca (aka meaty whore pasta), hold the 'nesca for my husband who does not like olives. He's weird. Or I guess if you hate olives too then he's normal and I'm weird.

But I'm pretty sure I'm normal and you guys are weird. Olives are delicious.


Conveniently not quite all of the pasta and sauce fit into the tupperware I selected. *Cough* So I was obligated to eat the remainder.

And then later I made one of these.

In case you are not well-versed in... well... life...

That's a s'more! I also ate 3 other marshmallows unadorned.

I did however get them nice and toasty using a butane blow torch. Yeah... like... the kind they sell at home depot for meltin' and weldin' and fixin' stuff.

Mmhmm. I use mine for marshmallows.

You cannot even handle how hardcore I am.

Then there were thirds of the pasta.

And there was another nap. And I read a book.

It was a pretty good day.

How 'bout you?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Labor Day Libations

So yesterday started out good but then... not so much.

I woke up and got busy around the house while the husband went off to work. (Yes, my labor day was actually fairly laborous. Annoying, right?)

Something he does that drives me crazy?

He'll know he's about to go to work for 8 hours and not take a lunch.

Also we share a car and usually I have it while he's at work and therefore he has no alternative means of lunch purchasing and eating.

I mean... REALLY? How do you forget that at some point in the next 8 hours you might want to EAT?!

I can forget lots of things people. I really can. But I do not forget that I need to eat. Meal time? Not a forgettable thing. If I am not going to have a means of transportation or a restaurant within walking distance you better believe I realize that and prepare.

So it drives me insane because 1) It's just wrong and 2) Even though I say I will not I usually have pity on him and go out of my way to take him something to eat.

So yesterday he went to work and took the car.

I text him, "Hmmm I'm guessing my husband didn't take a lunch again today."

His answer? "I was planning on coming home for lunch. :)"

Pretty sure you just could have said yes Mr. Tricky Trickster.

Don't worry- At the end of this story? I get him fat. That's my revenge.

My poison of choice this time were these fig crumble bars. He loves Fig Newtons for some unknowable reason and they just seemed right up his alley.

Plus there is the fact that I am an idiot.

(Why am I an idiot? A few weeks ago I bought fresh figs from Trader Joe's because I had never had them before. It was basically hate at first bite. But I kept trying and trying to love them. I WANTED to have deep figgy love. But I just don't. They rotted at the bottom of my fridge. That's not the part about how I'm an idiot though. About a week ago I see "Fig Butter" at Trader Joe's. It is not fig flavored butter, it is just uber-figgy preserves. You would think I was IN LOVE with figs the way I cradled that jar in my arms. "I need this." I told my husband. I somehow forgot about the tiny little fact that I DO NOT LIKE FIGS. Turns out fig butter? Tastes like figs. If you do not like figs? You will not like fig butter. Only an idiot would not realize this. Therefore, I'm an idiot.)

So I take one look at the fig crumble recipe and I am like "Oh crap."

Cuz guess what? It calls for oatmeal.

What is that? You do not understand how oatmeal could be a bad thing?

Me either. But to my husband, it is very bad. He claims oatmeal in it's porridge-y form makes him feel ill. He cannot resist any of my cookies except the oatmeal variety. I have made delicious buttery oatmeal cake with warm, fresh cherries nestled inside and he acts like I have sinned against God. The only oatmeal thing he has ever liked was granola. And then, of course, I had to be all stupid like "HAHA YOU KNOW GRANOLA IS BAKED CRUNCHY OATMEAL RIGHT?!" I don't think I've seen him touch granola since.

So of course I did what any good wife would do in this situation.

I hid the evidence and I lied about it.

I whipped out my ninja and blended up the oatmeal until it was unrecognizable oatmeal dust. Then I proceeded to bake the crumble bars as normal.

Guess what? He loves them.

And I will never say a word. And neither will you... or else.

Because I still have half a jar of fig butter to use up and man that stuff is disgusting. No way I'm gonna eat it.

I cannot however promise that I will never buy Fig Butter again. Because I am very likely to try to convince myself that me and figs were just having a little misunderstanding and that everything is peachy now.

I do this with a lot of things. Like bell peppers. I really WANT to like bell peppers. I always give them a little nibble in hopes that they have changed their gross-tasting ways. And then inevitably I feel like vomiting.

Stupid fig butter. Stupid bell peppers.

It is all their fault and not mine.


So I was gonna make him spaghetti carbonara for lunch but he ended up having to take lunch way earlier than I anticipated and I didn't have time. Instead we had Taco Bell.

Pintos and cheese and a soft taco for me. 390 calories. Had a 100 calorie smoothie for breakfast. And probably 60 calories worth of cream/milk in various coffees.

I dropped him off back at work and took the car to Walmart. Three things my Walmart does not have: Shallots, a reasonable price on basil, and ramekins. In case you wondered. I did however find a 9 x 9 baking pan and black printer ink. So the trip was not a total waste.

A stop at the grocery store to get the things I couldn't find at Walmart. Well, besides the ramekins. Which is probably for the better anyways because I wanted them for a nefarious purpose. Something involving hot water baths and a blow torch.


I obviously mean creme brulee.

So I spent a few hours in my kitchen after that. I made pesto. I made croutons. I made Caesar dressing. I did dishes. I got everything out to make pasta puttanesca sauce. Then my mom called.

"OH HAI! I AM ALL WANTING TO THROW A WRENCH INTO YOUR PLANS! I am calling to invite you to XYZ BBQ joint that your husband loves and that you know he's going to want to go to. So pretty much all that work you just did? Total waste of time."

I took a look at my counter full of ingredients ready to become dinner and just sighed.


I'm rolling with the punches peeps.

So we went to XYZ BBQ joint. I did what all scorned dinner-makers do. I ate pork ribs and french fries and ranch dressing and garlic bread. Duh. I guesstimate 800 calories.

And then to celebrate my horrible dinner choices and my recent weight loss milestone I also got an Oreo McFlurry.

It was snack size though. So now my food choices make perfect sense.

I knew you'd understand. 340 calories.

But today is a new day. And I will eat a salad and drink my fruit in smoothie form and work out.

And... and... I will finally have pasta puttanesca for dinner, gosh dang it!!

(Approximately 1700 calories for the day, 3 out of 10)