Monday, August 29, 2011

I need a get ripped quick scheme!

I suddenly remember why I hate strength training.

1) It's hard. I normally do some kind of cardio which is by no means easy for me. I don't get runner's high, I don't feel less stressed, I pretty much just cannot wait for it to be over. But here's the thing, strength training is actually 3x MORE difficult for me than cardio.

That's annoying.

2) Whatever muscle group I am supposed to be "feeling the burn in"? Ends up feeling absolutely nothing. This morning I was trying to work my arms and all that hurt was my back and neck. Invariably I know this means I'm doing it wrong. My posture is off or the exercise elves hate me, I'm not sure. I try really hard to get it right but never end up feeling it where I'm supposed to feel it.

That's extremely annoying.

3) I know that if I continue to do the exercises "wrong" I could injure myself. This is what would happen.

Normal people: Uhm, how'd you break your leg?

Me: Chest plies.

Normal people: .... What?

Me: Exactly.


I remembered all of this because I got up at 5:40 am to do 30 day shred. It's supposed to combine cardio and strength training. I think it becomes mostly cardio for me, but the ol' heart rate monitor says I burn about 200 calories while doing 80 million jumping jacks, ineffective and poorly postured strength exercises, and all the while listening to Jillian make snarky remarks.

The way she says "Right buddy?" makes me do fist punches 10x harder because I am imagining her face jumping in the way.

I suppose that's good.

Short story long, I am retarded at strength training.

I had an iced coffee this morning. Sugar free chocolate milk mix, a splash of chocolate almond milk, a splash of non-fat milk. 50 calories.

I made a confetti smoothie for breakfast. Carrot, spinach, strawberries and some non-fat milk. I should have cooked the carrots because it had a gritty texture. I knew, of course, that it was going to. I just was too lazy to do it right. 75 calories.

I also made this. However after I finished my fruits and veggies I knew I wasn't gonna be able to eat both the egg and the toast. I opted for the toast smeared with a laughing cow cheese wedge.

Saved the egg for lunch. Except then I didn't eat it. It will be lunch tomorrow then.

Instead I had this. Flat out wrap with chicken, lettuce, tzatziki sauce and a laughing cow cheese wedge. 265 calories.

Flat out wraps are GROSS. O.O

Just the taste... it's all wrong.


Dinner was a splurge. Protein style burger and fries. Diet coke. 650 calories.

I think that makes today a 60/40. Not 80/20. But yesterday was close to perfect and I'll try to balance it out by making tomorrow a 90/10 or better.

And then...

My weekly shopping trip at Trader Joe's!

Frozen blueberries and strawberries for smoothies. Chile spiced mango for my husband. Ginger candies. They are the best. thing. EVER. Spicy. The perfect texture. Delicious. Orzo because I've been dying to make this blue cheese orzo salad I saw somewhere. Last, Harvest Grains. Just wanted to try 'em. Looked interesting.

But wait! There's more!

Canola oil spray. For obvious purposes. Capers. Not sure why. Just cuz. Fig butter. I'm going to attempt to make my husband some homemade fig newton bars. He loves fig newtons. Last, smoked sea salt. It smells like campfire in a jar. Yummm.

Approximately 1,200 calories today.

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